Laurant "The Danger” Mont- Pierre Bettencourt is a candidate for the seat of Northcote on behalf of the Animal Justice Party (AJP).

Workers Unity In A Post-Neoliberal Hyper-Capitalist Pre-Corporatistic Hellscape

I wish a warm welcome to you all to our STOLEN country- NAARM-not its rapist name- and I wish to discuss the key reason why I have chosen to stand for political office. Our formerly fructuous, neoliberal, slave-based lives have trickled down to where we can no longer claim to be human anymore; we have become the alienated individual. We are in the midst of a sperm count calamity, where bourgeois elites have withered the very essence of what it is to be a masculine, empathetic apex predator. It is within this prism of understanding and neo-truth that I take my stand.
First they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out- because I was not a Jew. 
Then Elon Musk’s metaversal space X-tremist cyberpolice came for the McDonald Island penguins, and I did not speak out- because I was not a penguin.
Then the capital-mandated vasectomologists came for me, and there was no one left to speak out for me.
Throughout geopolitico-historical zeitgeist epics, protest has been a sword wielded by the oppressed that can be used to decapitate, then defenestrate the System that has its iron boot planted on our collective top-surgery enhanced chests.
We at the AJP, as a united collective of camels, have had the final straw fall on our backs. The time has come to seize the right to what former PM Scott ‘Scomo’ Morrison calls “a fair go,” and embargo the elites who embezzle our Fluids. No more shall we sit by and watch- cuckingly- while the ultrafascists indoctrinate our communal children with capitalist dogma that manifests infertility within them.

One of the key problems facing Proto-Marxism is information’s biased nature. One system of understanding available to us is, regrettably, from a white man, William ‘Billy’ Moyer. Billy’s Movement Action Plan posits that the first step of a hyper-revolution is to identify the normative– hetero, consequential and deontological- and systemised injustices that support the fascist biases we hold.
These unjust biases are exactly why we at the AJP are called “extreme”, or “crazy” – just because I support non-binary intersex sheep does not mean I have no real plan for office -yet we are still unfairly demonised by Rita Panahi on “Lefties Losing It”.
Disgusting as it is, we can return to White Saviour Complex Billy’s paternalistic model to see that for any attempt to shift our society, we must first free information from its neo-nazi cage.

Paleo-Democracy is a post-neoliberal, chauvinistic, “race realist” propaganda puppet who eats non-fair-work-approved burgers every night made from the minced screams of dying foreign queer children. Through this clear and accurate lens, it is indisputable that biased “news” corporate air raid sirens are the root of information’s prejudi.
Can we trust The Age to castrate Rupert “Child Marriage Aficionado” Murdoch when 63% of newspaper circulation in ‘Australia’ is controlled by Newscorp? Can we trust the Herald Sun to throw this dead baby enthusiast into the flames of Revolution for evading taxes that could be used to purchase countless Lime e-scooters?
The Herald indubitably has misogynistic roots, as evident by it not being called the Herald Daughter.
Is it any wonder that as we have rejected our shared humanity and forfeited our Conquest of Bread, our sperm counts has plummeted? Submission to the Lamestream media’s dogmatic drivel has caused our pure, prolific workers’ bodies to fall into disrepair, leaving us morally and physically barren.
The plastic in our collective testicles is a physical manifestation of our submission to capital. It is exactly what Moyer warned us of, that the sterilisation wrought by single use plastics would create a perception of failure within the techno-left. Our once-healthy Mahogony sack of spitting virility has been replaced by a cheap knock off – an Ikea Djungelskog - where plastic has rotted not only our mighty swimmers, but the soul of the worker itself. Therefore, it is only through rejecting mainstream media that we can simultaneously catalyse the commune-socialist revolution and reclaim our glorious swimming masculinity.

But it’s not too late to fight for what’s right and white (by which I am referring to our indomitable fluids, not Caucasians).
Marx is growing restless in his coffin- sorry, our coffin. The pseudo-hopeless pre-revolutionary left’s rebranding is on the horizon. The AJP seeks to metamorphise a neo-neo-left that measures Masculinity not only by our ability to represent the rights of queer black women, but also our impalpable ability to engage in hand-to-hand combat with microaggressions with ferocity reminiscent of early cavemen. As a collective, we must evolve (not that I support social Darwinism) the posturing of the left from a sissy Norwegian soyboy Eunuch to a FIREBRAND SIGMA SOCIALIST who will GIVE YOU EQUALITY AND PROLIFICY, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
The cyber-reactionaries have seen it too: Tucker carlson’s hyperstitious RFK-backed Sperm Repatriation Theory, outlined in “The End of Men”, is a disparate cry for help against the end of an empire. A return to the warm embrace of Marxism is not a subversion of human nature nor a manifestation of greed, but rather a cascading reaffirmation of our Fluids, Freedom and Future!
Upon taking an oath to the common good, my sperm count has Triplicated!
The time has come to unite the working class, assemble an impenetrable Bulwark of neo-proletarial Power and revolt against the sterilisation dogma we have been cucked by. Lowering our guard for even a moment opens the floodgates for our precious fluid receptacles to be filled with sanitised swamp muck. Moreover, to throw in the loincloth and allow psycho-technocracy to continue its monopoly over potency is a forfeiture of our rights as a collective Leftist Hivemind, and by extension, our humanity as a whole.
In the words of Harrison Bergeron, we must let the neo-patriarchy “watch [the proletariat] become what [burgeoning groins] can become,” and spread the fecund loins of the Revolution.
It’s time to depose the kulaks’ concubine cult.
And also end live export.
Vote 1 AJP.